Chapter 1 – Jack’s Waxhole
“Ewwwww!” Jack Edison’s mom, who we will call Betty, exclaimed, with disgust in her voice. “Jack, do you ever clean out your ears?”
“What?!” shouted Jack, partly because he wasn’t paying attention and partly because his ears were so full of wax, he was slightly deafened.
“Jack, look at me!” Mom said sternly spinning Jack’s inattentive head toward her, so she had his full attention and so he could read her lips if necessary. “If you don’t keep your ears clean, potatoes will start growing out of them!” Betty yelled, thrusting a cotton swab into Jack’s hand.
“But mom, I’m already late for school. I don’t have time to clean out my ears.” Jack had plenty of time to get to school, and to clean out his ears, but he wanted to use that time to play another round of “Galaxy Goobers vs Zero-Gravity Zombies” on his video game console, that we’ll call the “PLAY-BOX.”
“Jack, nothing worth having is easy, and having healthy ears is worth having. So do the not-easy thing and clean out your ears.” Betty sighed at her own tongue-twister logic and looked at her watch. “I’ve got to wake Kevin. I’ll be back in a few minutes to make sure you did a good job.”
Mom left to wake Kevin, Jack’s older brother, who slept more in one night than bears do in winter. Kevin was in high school now and was full swing into puberty, which, according to him, “requires a lot of rest so my body can mature properly!” Jack was hoping Kevin’s mind would catch up to his maturing body soon.
After mom shut the door, Jack looked into the mirror that was attached to his dresser. His 6-year-old sister Katelyn would call this mirror a vanity…and would say “vanity” with a slight curtsy to show how refined she was. Jack looked into the (curtsy) vanity, took a deep breath and gently slid the cotton swab into his left ear. He was careful not to go too deep with it. “Don’t wanna poke yer brain out” his slightly-funny-but-way-less-funny-than-he-thought uncle, Rick would often say.
Jack swirled the swab in his ear and pulled it back out, revealing a hefty-sized glob of earwax. Jack sniffed the tip of the swab, then grimaced and gagged a little. He didn’t know why but he always sniffed his earwax. Admit it, dear reader, you do too. If not, you will the next time you clean your ears, I bet.
Suddenly Jack heard a rustling noise behind him. He swung around and saw—his fan. It was running the whole time, only now he could hear it. I guess it does pay to clean your ears.
Jack spun the swab around in his fingers like the world’s largest baton twirler and prepared to gently clean his right ear with the unused end of the swab. As the swab neared his earhole, known to many as the “auditory canal,” his cotton swab stopped abruptly. Jack thought, at first, that he had missed his earhole altogether. But as he looked at his reflection in the (curtsy) vanity he saw that he was right on target. But something in his earhole was stopping the swab from entering.
Jack attempted to remove the swab and prepare for reentry but realized that the swab wouldn’t budge. Is it stuck in some thick earwax? Jack thought? That’s ridiculous! Jack gave the swab another tug. This time, not only did it not budge, but it felt like something tugged back! Jack looked more closely at his reflection and did indeed see some earwax wrapped around his cotton swab. But this earwax looked…odd. It resembled a small, golden-brown hand wrapped around the tip of the swab. Suddenly the swab was no longer stuck but was now being shoved from his earhole with such force that Jack’s hand flung backwards, and he lost his grip on the swab! The swab summersaulted through the air in a blurry white and golden-brown arc and landed on his dresser. Holding the swab, like the world’s smallest baton twirler, was…
JACK’S WAX!!!
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